sub sandwiches and secret handshakes.

i was at kroger yesterday picking up some peanut butter for a young life club game and i saw a kid being dragged by his mom who was kicking and screaming and crying and i so badly wanted to stop him and say cut it out kid, it only gets harder as you get older. i was actually feeling pretty bummed out about current circumstances, and i longed so badly just to be a kid again where there were no worries and no fears.  lately, i have been consumed by fear and i can't really put my finger on it.  this is such a fun and exciting time of life, but i find myself worrying constantly.  i forget to eat and i have really made it easy for me to isolate myself.  luckily, i have wonderful friends who will pry and make me talk to them. it's just hard though.  to be honest, i feel like the wedding is completely out of my control.  i mean my mom lives so far away and financially i just can't really do much of anything for it.  i just had my dream wedding planned out in my mind and i feel like that just isn't happening. and i constantly worry about money, especially in the next few weeks because i have several financial burdens looming around me.  i just feel like life is rushing by all around me and i can't get a steady grip on the ground.  sometimes i feel like my heart literally hurts.  but then jake comes over, and we talk about real life. and he sweetly reminds me that i am not the only one hurting or worrying.  it's so easy for satan to make us believe that we are completely alone when we're suffering.  and then tonight i started listening to this song:

when i am alone

give me Jesus

give me Jesus, give me Jesus

you can have all this world

just give me Jesus.

i am reminded that there is only One thing worth being concerned with.. ever. Jesus IS Peace.  i am so thankful to have a fiance who the Lord uses as his vocal cords to share His love with me.  its so easy for me to forget that if this wedding isn't perfect, and if i don't have a dollar to my name.. i still have Jesus. i am rich in so many ways.  a lot of times we just need a bold reminder to be put right in front of our faces. i am reminded of love and of TRUE romance and what that really means.  i truly want our marriage to be one that is constantly seeking Christ's heart in everything we do.  even if that means having to suffer, because through our suffering we get to know Him so well. i have been so prayerful that over the next 67 i will truly learn to trust God for His provision in our marriage and His leading in wherever He wants to take us.  I want to make myself available. what is holding you back from truly seeking Jesus?

my best friend.

this is my best friend (holding my baby :]).

 i have said that for a while now, but only now have i begun to see what those two sweet words truly mean.  this adventure is so much fun. and i have heard before that you must find your Beloved before you can find your beloved.  this is so true.  God has used jake in so many ways to pursue me and to show me His love and i am beyond words grateful for it.  i am so overwhelmed right now because life has been such a struggle lately. i have very much been only looking through my narrow lens though, and God is beginning to show me how he has beautiful woven mine and jake's stories together and designed us with each other in mind. and knowing this i am so absolutely humbled. 

ps.. i started this post so i could update everyone on the exciting fact that jake and i picked out our cakes last night and we are so excited about it!! but i got sidetracked by how wonderfully he has been in being a picture of Jesus to me. i am so blessed.

tying the knot..

by the way.. we finally have finished our wedding webpage!! please visit it for more information:

our wedding website <3

'til death do us part**

courtney here. so it's been a while since we've posted. scratch that.. it's been a LONG TIME since we've posted (over a month!!) and so much has happened. the fact that keeping a blog in this crazy time in our lives has been tough i think definitely reflects how tough being engaged and trying to merge our lives together has been. and yes, i say tough, but i also mean beautiful.  sweet, sweet jake and i are so different and i've been seeing that in full force lately.  let me give you an example: tuesdays are our date nights.  we stay busy so we don't typically get to do anything that exciting. just cook dinner, spend time together, maybe go to the gym and watch "our" tv show - V (it's really good, by the way). and one particular date night we were cooking chicken and pasta. it was one of those out-of-the box fancy flavored pastas. and jake poured the finished pasta into the pan with the cooked chicken. and it made me laugh because i would have put the chicken into the pot with the pasta. not that either of us was wrong, we just have completely different ways of doing and looking at things.  if only every situation was as obsolete as chicken and pasta, though.

i say all of that to say this: our pastor at church last night was talking about unity.  i have been thinking about this so much because he pushed the simple, yet beautiful concept that if there was unity within the body of Christ, the rest of the world would not be able to ignore the wonderful Truth that is Jesus Christ.  Pastor Brady spoke strongly on how selfishness divides unity - " we miss out on seeing Jesus when we focus on our differences."  i see this as being so crucial in the world and also in marriage.  for whoever reads this, my prayer for us as followers of Jesus Christ is that we focus on unites us (JESUS!!!) and not what divides us.  i long to apply this idea to my marriage because it is a hard truth that satan truly detests unity and he will do anything he can to divide us and the stronger it is, the harder he will attack it. Pastor Brady challenged us with these three fool-proof ways to ensure that we are not contributing to the division in the Church and also, be the hands and feet of Jesus:

forgive well

be others-centered

speak words of encouragement

i would like to share this challenge with you so that we can be part of the body of Jesus Christ that makes others unable to deny His love. in andrew peterson's song "dancing in the minefields" he says: "i do are the two most famous last words, the beginning of the end, but to lose you life for another i've heard is a good place to begin. the only was to find your life is to lay your life down. and i believe it's an easy price for the life we have found." 

so... dear jacob isaac luna,

i promise this to you: my unfailing love for you will not be moved.  i see the struggles we have had in our relationship as satan trying to cause a division between us because he is threatened at the beautiful union God has sanctioned for us and the powerful plan He has to use us a husband and wife team for His glory.  i don't care if you see the world through a different pair of eyes than i do. the only thing that matters is that we are following Christ's leading in it.  you are my perfect complement, and i know God had that planned out before we were born or before our parent's parent's parent's great grandparents were thought of.  i have two left feet, but i will dance in the minefields with you, every single day for the rest of my life because God has called us His and in that assurance, we are already victorious.  we won't be forever perfect on this side of heaven (Hebrews 10:14). but will you be my imperfect husband and join me in being made holy for the rest of our lives?

love, your terribly imperfect, but promises to try everyday to be a steward of God's love to you,  future wife.